"The I-was-born-here-why-should-I-take-any-exams viewpoint is very common among Russians in Estonia," says Zhanna. "The Russians were invited here to work and raise the economy. For example, in Finland and Sweden they have two languages, but the policy in Estonia is different - it's our country and we want you to speak Estonian. But it's not the people's fault that they found themselves here. If they cannot or don't want to learn the language, it's their right."
However, personally Zhanna decided otherwise and took the exam. She became an Estonian citizen in 2007, but in the course of 24 years she still has not fully transitioned to the Estonian language. She speaks Russian at work and with her Estonian husband, speaking Estonian only with his friends. "I keep silent for the most part, but at least I generally understand what they are talking about." They stopped being friends with one Estonian family after they announced they were not going to communicate with Zhanna because she didn't speak Estonian. "My husband is trying to speak in Estonian to me more and more, but it's hard for me. I start making mistakes and he corrects me," adds Zhanna. The desire to communicate wins over the language battles and the spouses turn to Russian every time.
In August Zhanna promised herself to take the Estonian language course for B1 level exam (the level that allows to understand the general idea of the conversation). The government pays for the courses, but it's hard to enter them. Zhanna prepared for it using an Internet language training simulator.
Showing who is right
Consent on the language issue comes in front of the TV. Together with her husband Zhanna watches both Russian and Estonian channels.
On the "menu" they have "NTV-Mir", the First channel and "The First Baltic", a TV company created by the First channel to broadcast in the Baltic countries. Zhanna watches only the news in Estonian channels. She is accustomed to Russian TV and considers local TV to be small-scale ("What can possibly happen here?"). She is skeptical about the Internet saying "I don't like to spend a lot of time there, I get enough of it at work."
When talking about Russian television, Zhanna changes dramatically and one can hear notes of steal breaking through the soft voice.
"It's important to show the truth," she says. "Why others are talking about the truth at every corner, while we are not able to protect ourselves? Of course, Lavrov (the RF Minister of Foreign Affairs. – author's note) speaks up, but all of it goes down the drain, it stays unnoticed. Here only the European Union viewpoint is shown. You only hear that we are the invaders, the invaders."
"I'm for the Crimea, of course. Russian TV showed a film saying that 90% of the Crimea citizens wanted to separate. Not even a word was mentioned about it here. Only "invasion" and "force". Personally, it offends me".
When Zhanna tried to retell to her Estonian friends the film content saying that the Ukranian government did nothing but destruction during the last 20 years, they refused to listen to her. "They don't even want to understand it," she concludes. "We try not to touch upon these topics. I know everything they are going to say and they know how I can reply."
To my question whether Zhanna considers herself a Russian or an Estonian, she cuts it short "I've always been Russian and I'll stay this way forever. I defend Russia, sometimes even shouting out loud, strenuously. I will always take the Russian side, even though my husband is Estonian. I attend local festivities with no resistance. However, if I lived in a Russian family, I wouldn't do it. Russian celebrations are joyful and here they are boring".
"Historically they lived in isolated farmsteads, which brought about lack of hospitality and uncordial attitude to others," explains Zhanna. "A Russian person will meet everyone with hospitality, while they don't like a lot of guests. In Russia when we had 5 or 6 relatives visiting us in a two room apartment, nobody complained. The Estonians get tired of it. However, they like to work hard, in this sense they are doing a good job."
All that said, a logical question comes up: What keeps you in Estonia? Zhanna immediately replies that it is her family. If it weren't for the husband, she would have come back to St.Petersburg long time ago. Her mother, her sister and nephews live there. "I have everyone there," sighs Zhanna, "and nobody but my husband and my son here."
"To tell you the truth," suddenly concludes Zhanna, "if I had known about the borders, the separation of people and no opportunity to visit home, may be I would not have moved to Estonia at all".
Kadriorg and Petersburg
Zhanna often comes back to visit St.Petersburg that she calls home. "Tallinn is a very quiet city. I've got accustomed to it and calmed down myself. There's nowhere to rush. It's like a little swamp, frankly speaking. When in St.Petersburg, I go running, they won't let you stay for too long. When I come back from there, I have a different kind of energy and everybody notices it. Then, it shrinks, goes down, lower and lower and you are like everyone again…"